I almost gave up singing!
When I was younger I knew I loved to sing! I constantly sang when no one was watching. Whether I was working on homework or in my room doing things, I found myself singing or humming a song. I just wouldn’t shut up. I could be free and sing without judgment. However, I didn’t like singing in front of people. The thought of singing by myself petrified me. On occasion, I got to sing with my church youth group and I didn’t mind that because I wasn’t alone. Singing alone was definitely my safe place.
I remember an experience that almost caused me to give up singing altogether. I was 14 years old and my boyfriend at the time came to visit me at home. I had the radio playing in the background and my favorite song by Madonna came on. I began to sing “Borderline” and I put on this whole little dance performance while the song played and I sang and danced for him. I was being carefree and acting like a star! I expected him to be impressed that I knew how to sing (not necessarily dance) but have a good enough voice to sound like Madonna.
“Was I a bad singer?”
My boyfriend just sat there, unimpressed! He smiled for a moment but kinda looked away as I sang and danced. I thought to myself, was he embarrassed for me? did I do that bad? was I fooled thinking I could do this but was no good? Why didn’t he didn’t acknowledge the performance? was I a bad singer? A million thoughts ran through my mind! I thought, wow, what a fool I am! He didn’t say anything nor looked like he liked what I was doing so I stopped. That was the end of my singing career! I decided then and there, I would never sing in front of people again.
Those few minutes impacted my self esteem badly. Deep inside I felt hurt and rejected. I let his non-verbal cues convince me that I didn’t have talent. I had this inner conversation that I couldn’t sing, let alone dance. (I still can’t dance, but that’s another topic for another day). I felt that I should never humiliate myself like that again because I gave him a performance he didn’t ask for. I decided that I wasn’t good because he didn’t give me any reaction.
At 14, I allowed my perception of my boyfriend’s reaction (or lack of one) shape my thoughts about who I was as an aspiring artist! I couldn’t blame it on him being distracted because at that time cellphones didn’t exist and it wasn’t like he was distracted by anything. He just chose to look away as I sang & performed. Looking back, how silly it was for me to let his non-reaction dictate my thoughts about myself. How could I let this boy dictate who I was? I let my own thoughts of disappointment crush my own dreams! I never asked his opinion and I didn’t try to perform for him ever again. I simply assumed he didn’t think I was good so why bother to sing in front of anyone again.
“I let my own thoughts of disappointment crush my own dreams!”
Thankfully, two years later when I was 16, I was hanging out with a friend at his job one afternoon. The radio was playing in the background and I was sitting on a counter singing to myself. He happen to hear me singing and stopped what he was doing and gave me the biggest compliment. The song that was playing was a duet and so he got an idea for he and I to sing and perform that song together at an upcoming engagement party for his brother. For a moment, I hesitated and thought it would be crazy to sing in front of people. But it didn’t take much for him to convince me to do it.
We met a couple of times to practice. He wasn’t a singer at all but he worked really hard to sound good and sing his part on key. A few weeks later, we sang the song together at the party. It was a fun and great experience and because he sang with me, he made me feel comfortable and secure to sing in front of so many people. He revived my dream to sing again. That small act changed my life and lit the flame of my heart to want to sing again.
That young man became my boyfriend and eventually we fell in love and the rest is history! He and I married and built a beautiful life together. Till this day, he is my biggest supporter and fan! He eventually learned to play piano and he would play and I’d sing.
What’s the point of my story? I almost gave up my dream to pursue singing! Why? Because I was so worried and concerned about what one person thought about me. I let their silence speak louder than reality.
If your dream is to perform and you are privileged to do so before an audience, it may get discouraging if the crowd is not reacting the way you expect. Don’t put your attention on their perception of you. Set your attention on your performance and having the time of your life and letting your joy and passion shine bright. It will shine through! Those who appreciate your gift will receive your performance with all their heart because your heart will connect with theirs.
Learn from me! Never give in to fear! Push past it and if one person doesn’t like your performance, there’s a thousand others who will love you, love your voice and love what you bring to the table.
Sing on, my friend!